What is confidence? How do I know if I have it?

Confidence is a by-product after consistantly completing slightly more and more difficult challenges over time. Confidence cannot be bought, learnt or traded... it's earnt.

The New Zealand all-black captain Same Cane said it really well in an interview where he said that he didn't have inherent or abundant confidence. He worked hard and showed up each and every day at practise and matches knowing that he had to build and earn his confidence and the confidence of the team... it's bloody hard work but if something is truly important to you it can be overwhelmingly satisfying 🙂

How do you know if you have it or not? Signs that you may be lacking in confidence may be...

1. Shying away from challanges

2. Worrying about failing, looking silly or just not good enough to do something

3. Not connecting with people and prefering to be 'on the outside'

4. Feeling anxious or scared of people or situations

5. Negative feelings and self-doubt

6. Overthinking or getting stuck in your head

The difficult reality is when you look at the signs of a lack of confidence you can clearly see these are the exact things that could be blocking you from building confidence!

Lacking confidence is not an easy situation and you may feel even worse when you feel people are judging you or telling you 'come on it's easy' or 'just do it'. Be KIND to yourself, recognise that getting out of the low confidence cycle is going to take courage, commitement and change.

Be wary of not tackling too big a challenge early on, if you do try and fail and some of the things you are worried about come to fruition it could just further re-enforce feelings of not being good enough.

In the words of Anna from Frozen all you can do is the 'next right thing' or the next best challenge. Take an area you want to build confidence in, try find one that you are relatively comfortable with and as safe a space as possible. Now ask yourself what is the next logical step to take in that area. It should be small but enough to move your forward and big enough to make you feel butterflies in your stomach and a bit nervous.

Anyone what has ever struggled with confidence will be understanding and supportive in your journey! Also remember that this is YOUR journey. Be compassionate when things don't work out, stick to your values and don't be afraid to say no where things are too far outside what you are comfortable with ❤️

If you ever wanted to get a bit deeper into the causes of your lack of confidence or feel a bit stuck in your journey you could explore coaching with myself or any other coach... just always remember to do a chemistry session first to make sure you are the right fit for one another 🙂

OPTIONAL read - A practical example:

A common example is public speaking. Depending on where you are on your journey you may say you are comfortable to speak in your team environment but not to other teams or people you don't know well.

So you know you feel comfortable in your team, great, this is a safe space and they can support you. Now the next right thing would be to include people you don't know but you may say that you really can't do a talk in front of an entire new team. So working you backwards you keep asking what you can handle but the key is that still scares you slightly, not to the point of feeling anxious, but a little bit of butterflies is a good sign you've go it.

So in this example you may ask to present something to your team and another team that you know and have worked with in a comfortable known physical space. Once you've done that, first thing is CELEBRATE, it's a massive step! now it's time to take one further step and you may decide to either present to the same group but in a new physical setting or maybe you want to try adding one or two new people. Look at what opportunities present themselves and don't try force it too much.